Pemzin Week: Daring
by spockandawe
Summary: Pemzin Week, Day 5: Daring. Pema was a quiet, shy girl. She wouldn't have imagined she'd ever have the nerve to step forward and tell Tenzin how she felt about him.


Pemzin Week, Day 5: Daring

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I had thought the most bold step I would ever nerve myself to take was slipping into their social circle. I had an advantage because of how long I'd known everyone, but that was also a disadvantage. I'd been a young child when the others were already grown, and even as I grew into adulthood they all treated me the same way they had when I'd been just a girl. As silly as it sounds, I had to talk myself into pushing forward enough to be taken seriously. Even then, more outspoken and forward than ever before, I was by far the quietest person in the group. There were so many large personalities that I tended to only speak rarely and slip away to the back of the room. Everyone was very kind and caring, but they overshadowed me without even trying.

As stressful as it could be, I stayed. Even if I felt out of place there, I adored all of my friends. Avatar Aang's two oldest children formed the center of the group with their easy cheerfulness and infectious smiles, and the rest of us orbited them in a dance. One person I always looked up to was Aang's third child, Tenzin. When I felt overwhelmed by the noise and energy of the others, I looked to him and his calm serenity. He stood in the middle of the friendly chaos that engulfed everyone, but let it slide through him, around him, without being disturbed. At first I only admired him. It took years to realize that I felt even more.

Just realizing how much I cared for him was a blow in and of itself. After all, I'd watched his relationship with Lin blossom and grow. I'd even thought they made an wonderful pair, not thinking I'd ever have cause to resent the woman who caught him when I'd never have a chance. She was something I could barely understand. She was so loud and blunt, so unlike him, but I had to sigh and turn away whenever she managed to tease a smile and laugh out of him when we were together. I found her completely intimidating, and I honestly still wonder if she ever took much notice of me.

I kept my peace for a long, long time. If he was happy, anything I did would only make him avoid me, and even if I could never have him for my own I still cherished the time we spent together. It wasn't until I saw what the relationship was doing to him that I nerved myself up to say something. As we all grew older, Lin seemed unchanged. She laughed like she always had, she was just as affectionate with Tenzin. But he seemed to be struggling under a weight that only got heavier and heavier. Maybe I was the only one who noticed. I was certainly the one who watched him the most carefully. He smiled less and sighed more. When he wrapped an arm around her, it felt like he did it because it was what he was supposed to do, not what he wanted to do.

I hadn't planned to do anything. His unhappiness was making me miserable, but I still couldn't bring myself to split up a couple with years of love between them just because I had some idea that I might be better than her. There was one night where most of the group had gone to a restaurant in the city to eat and drink until late at night. I'd had a little more wine than perhaps I should have, and as the party broke up Tenzin offered to walk me home. The flickering street lamps were the only source of light and it gave an unreal quality to the world as we moved along the roads. As I took sidelong glances at him, it seemed like some hidden tension had vanished in the isolation of the abandoned streets.

I was scrambling in my mind for something to say, some private conversation we could have that I could hold against the future, when suddenly he turned to me and smiled. What he said wasn't much, just some aside about how nice it was to have another quiet person as a friend, but it was enough to set the words pouring out of me. I don't even remember what I told him. I just desperately tried to pour all my feelings into my voice to convince him of the sincerity of what I was saying. Everything that was good about him, everything that I loved, I tried to express it all and what he meant to me. I was worked up nearly to the point of tears. As I babbled on, some detached part of my brain began to brace me for the rejection that must follow. I'd ruined everything. We'd never regain the easy friendship we'd had, and I tried to prepare my heart to sever ties with him forever.

He'd stopped, shocked, to look at me. I was staring at the cobblestones, but I could feel his eyes on me as the words ran on and on. When they began to peter out, there was a long moment of silence and I forced myself to raise my head to meet his eyes. It was too much. The tears began to spill over and I turned to run away, back to my house to hide and cry and never face him again. Before I'd gotten more than a few steps, he'd caught my hand and pulled me back to him. I looked up, down, sideways, anything not to see the rejection in his eyes.

But he surprised me. It wasn't a refusal or dismissal, but a repetition of those same feelings I had tried to express to him. He didn't release my hand, but clasped it tightly between both of his. It was hard to process his words past the rushing in my ears, but he told me that he wanted to break it off with Lin, that he'd admired me but never would have guessed I felt the same, that I was the most wonderful girl he'd ever known. I was sobbing harder than before, but with happiness and release instead of the crushing misery I'd felt. As he helped me home I didn't once take my eyes from his face and tried to burn this wonderful moment into my mind. When he left me at my door I watched him walk down the street until he disappeared from sight, smiling blissfully through the tears and absolutely certain that this was the happiest moment of my life.


End file.
